just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
