put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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