Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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