Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
