you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
sex in a hospital.. check
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
