all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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