I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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