I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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