If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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