i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
