OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
