My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
