wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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