the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize