And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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