Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Randomize
