I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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