is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
