oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
