FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
