Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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