Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
