I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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