So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
