It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
