im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
