If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
