She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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