I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
