just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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