This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
