Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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