We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
