Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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