4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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