I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
