New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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