I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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