No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
