Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
