Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
