his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
