I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She just used a chaser for red wine.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
