I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
