That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
