He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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