if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I did not marry a roomba.
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