is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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