i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You left your phone here
Wait...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
