I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
