I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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