I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
