My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
