mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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