Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
