ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
