Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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