So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
