The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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