also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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