I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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