Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
