If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
