why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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