Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
