I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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