I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize