but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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