just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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