I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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