Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter

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(847): View more from Illinois

This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame

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(254): View more from Texas

There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator

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(847): View more from Illinois

I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.

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(904): View more from Florida

So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore

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(813): View more from Florida

Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.

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