I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
