I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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