I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
