its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Someone shattered a urinal.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
