I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
