I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
