I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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