i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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