I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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