Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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