I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I want her autograph on my taint
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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