Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
