Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
