at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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