She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
