But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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