wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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