Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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