$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize