He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
