are you still at the devil's house?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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