Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
