WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
