No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
