Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
