I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
