if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
