I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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